Just One More Step

"The right way to raise kids is to never give up."

Most impactful question of my life

What is the purpose of life? 

My prayer

God, can I beg enough for you to have mercy on me?

Grace for Mothers

When I first read this poem, I didn't look past the window. I had happened upon it and had my editing eyes on.  I didn't see the great meaning. Thankfully the situation didn't allow me to point out errors and the paper was whisked away. Later I was told is caused tears to roll down mother's faces. My anxious son presented it to me as a Mother's Day gift. Because of my first view of the poem, I understood it much more deeply.

Now I find every part of it beautiful. The misspellings, handwriting, cut of paper, every detail illustrates the deep meaning of the poem, grace. Instead of thinking that he is writing of my grace, I see how he has grace for me. 

Sheep

Don't automatically do what others are doing around you: question and be purposeful!

Mirror

Will I allow myself to be me?

Appointed Time

During trials where patience is needed but not known, it feels like a tornado, earthquake, and ice storm taking turns beating you up.  The loneliness and unknown rock your faith. However the deepness of your faith holds you tight as a sturdy rope holds a boat to the dock during a volient thunderstorm.

When the appointed time comes, when the process of events happen, when the clouds and rain and lightening pass by, the boat is still attached to the dock, the sun comes out, the water filling the boat evaporates. But during that storm, during that trial there was no end to be seen, no possibilities.

I may pray with all my heart and soul and I may have the faith to move mountains but sometimes I must just wait for the appointed time for God to do his will.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. (Proverbs 16:9 NIV)

Human

I am so human.

Ideal

AIM for the ideal

Fix my problems, God

Sometimes I find myself reading the bible like a fortune cookie. Making reading the bible about me, not about learning about God. 

What happens when you take a picture!

Click I love you

Click I think you are special 

Click I want to share you

Click I want to remember you

Each time I face my camera towards you
Each time I click the button

Each time I prepare the picture of you

Each time I share it with others

It is all because of how much I value you. You are worth my time, attention, and care.

I love to celebrate you by capturing you on film!

Secret

I don't have an answer. 

There you go. I said it. I am exposed. I don't know everything and I can't figure everything out. I don't have a decision. 

You did WHAT?

Take the emotions out of parenting teens.

Raising Sons

How do I raise my sons to be as great as their father?

Forgiveness

I need to forgive:

Those that lied about me

Those that betrayed me

Those that didn't meet my expectations

Those that didn't reward me equally 

Those that used me

Those that forgot me

Those that judged me

If I forgave all those people then I would walk with a smile, listen with a heart, help with genuineness, pray without ceasing, and sleep very soundly.

The only person in my way of forgiveness is ME. It takes no one else but me. I have to let go of the wounds and let them heal.

The first step I will take to forgive will be to not remind myself of the battles.

I don't have to hold onto the pain. I can let go.

Another

You gave me ANOTHER day. God, you keep waking me each morning and welcoming me to another new day! 

Because of Nancy

I became a runner because a friend asked me to participate on a track team with her.  
You influence others everyday.

Bitterness

Bitterness is like drinking a poison and expecting that the other person will die.

Trusting

Peter learned while walking on water: Don't take your eyes off Jesus.

The Israelite men thought as they saw the Red Sea split, ladies first.
They really had to trust God.

Though we don't walk on water or the bottom of a sea with walls of water surrounding us, we still face circumstances that require us to TRUST God.  Using every ounce we can muster, we trust. We trust that God is in control, knows what is best, will relieve our pain, and give us peace.

Little Girl

I just want her to stay 6 forever. Her face is so small and innocent. Her cheeks are puffy and hair golden. Life is simple. While eating her lunch, she doesn't sit and contemplate, she stares and watches, nothing heavy weighs on her shoulders. She has no concerns. Her walk is light and her smile is quick to shine.

Rock Pile

"A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral." Antoine De Saint-Exupery

How to live

"What this writer and so many other women don't realize is that God has equipped all of us to live more simply, to move toward order, and to live with intentionality." Sally Clarkson

Do you like me?

"I do not have the power to make everyone like me or approve of my values, looks, actions, or performance."  Sally Clarkson

Approval

"How I wish I had learned at an earlier age not to define myself by what other people thought of me." Sally Clarkson

Beauty

"We would never tell a zebra that its stripes should have been polka dots, or a buffalo that it should flit around as delicately as a butterfly. And yet the world tries to fit us into a common mold, which leaves 99.9 percent of us feeling that we fall short compared to the imaginary standard of beauty and womanhood." Sally Clarkson

French Women

"French women are beautiful because they think they are beautiful."

BUSY

"All the chaos consumed me and left me empty."

Winter Blues

I want to sing again.  To be free, lighthearted, and twirling about my day.  To give smiles generously and time without a care, all day long pouring out my love.  Humming and whistling as I skip along.

Can you tell it has been a long cold winter, with the thought of spring teasing me?  But I must live this day, this cold winter day, because God needs to prepare me for those joyous days of pink tulips and yellow daffodils. These are the days of reading, resting, and planning.  Each season is vital and can't be skimped.  Patience is the virtue that I will be gaining.  Soon enough I will be outdoors again with a twirl and smile for all.

Murder

Moses, David, and Paul were the three, largest in volume, authors of the Bible.  They were all murders, over saw others murdered, or commanded a killing.  God loved each one of the men from the moment they were born to their last breathe.

At a pivotal point they all realized their crime, their wrong, knowing in their heart that their past was sinful. Turning to God, they were FORGIVEN  and released from their punishment of death.  Each man went on to impact others in a God honoring way.

YOUR story is not too horrible, wrong, bad, or shameful for God to forgive and turn it around, bringing life to you and your future.

Traffic

"I like to watch the traffic because it brings me back to my childhood. I think about where they are coming from and going." Grandma A.

Worry

He who forms the mountains,
    who creates the wind,
    and who reveals his thoughts to mankind,
who turns dawn to darkness,
    and treads on the heights of the earth—
    the Lord God Almighty is his name.
Amos 4:13(NIV)

Lord will you tread the heights of the earth, so that I may stop treading and pacing and worrying trying to figure out these Redwood tall circumstances?

Two Forks

 One walks through life on a trail. As they go along there are forks on the path that cause them to make a choice on which way to go. Many times it is a choice on whether to learn or refuse to listen.  If they choose to learn, what happens?

The traveler's eyes are opened. As they take their new found knowledge and glance back a mistake is noticed. Discomfort fills them up and makes them itch. They wish they would have not made that mistake and they know what the right action would have been.  

Another fork in the path as appeared. Will they forget what they have learned so that they don't have to change? One path direction looks easy and goes down hill. It seems more comfortable and they know it well. The other path direction goes uphill and will require them to use their new found wisdom. It will take strength and determination to reject the old ways that resulted in mistakes.  However wisdom is like the wind at your back when running. The push of the wind will get them to places that they haven't been before. It will provide strength to climb.  Walking that uphill path with the strength of wisdom will bring them to a mountain top, a new view of the surrounding world.  

To think it is just two forks in the path to a new perspective, right choices, and freedom from sin.

Raising Boy Readers

Sullivan understands boys and education. This book gives the reader a summary on the past two decades of reading education and how boys have been impacted.  Half of the book describes how a boy reads and what he is interest in, the other half is 300 recommendations for boy friendly books.  I loved that the copyright is 2014 and technology is addressed. Modern questions get answered by Sullivan. 

Being a mom of three boys and one girl, I have witnessed the difference in desired genres.  Non-fiction, pictures, fantasy, crazy fonts, and action books have been read over and over in my home.  My bookshelves are full of books on animals, bones, wars, mice riding motorcycles, comedy, and creatures flying. My childhood favorites, Beverly Cleary and Laura Ingalls Wilder, have really only been treasured by my daughter.  The boys bored of them by the second page.  My daughter reads for the characters and my sons read for the action, but they all love for me to read to them. 

Volume, that is what Sullivan suggests for all readers, not degree of difficulty.  However only books that interest the reader. I concur. My children are readers because they have been exposed to books of interest and value the opportunity to read. 

HOW? In real life what does that look like? Taking turns reading pages of Ralph's Motercycle, 30 non-fiction or easy reads by each of the beds, reading lights on all bed posts, books in each relaxing room in the house, lots of audiobooks, requesting books of interest from the library, wandering the library shelves, each of us asking friends what they are reading, and modeling reading as parents are the ways in which we have become a reading family. 

One more thing.... Honor when your child wants to read or not. Yes, if that means only one page is read that day. Great, one glimpse is enough to the keep the flame going. 

This book is going beyond a library loan to an Amazon buy.

365 days of learning

In 2014 I learned to enjoy the simple life, eat the simple foods, and simply trust in God. 

Mornings

God gives us strength one day at a time.

I am still changed.

Each morning when the sun rises whether I see it's rays or not

Before I allow my feet to touch the cold morning floor I say to myself," This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." My great uncle spoke these words before he rose to farm his South Dakota land. I pray them before I rise to cultivate love in my family's hearts. 

The Miracle of Prayer

Everyday I say to myself

Pride comes before the fall

I am a thesaurus for 4 learners!

Mistakes while Mothering

Every mom makes mistakes

I will open up my secret box that holds my secret mom mistakes. Don't judge me. I need mistakes to learn. 

I didn't eat enough vegetables while I was pregnant.

I left the side of the crib down and Sam fell head first to the floor.

I forgot my infant son in a vehicle when I went into the store. (Thankfully only 3 mins.)

I locked my children and keys in a van. (Thanks East Moline Police for breaking in and recusing my children.)

I forgot to take my 4 children to get their doctor check ups for two years.  (I swear it was only one year.)

I forgot to instruct my children to take a bath for over a week. (Only noticed because I couldn't brush their hair anymore)

I lost a library book or two...

I forgot my child's lunch that I said I would bring.

I ate the cookie that I said was gone. (Repeat offender)

I used the line, "I get two brownies because I am twice the size of you."

I used the word stupid.

I swore at my child in a fit of anger.

I laughed at my child, not with.

I yelled at my A student for 1 bad test grade.

I forgot about the first baseball practice of the season. 

I tried to make up for my guilt by buying gifts for my children.

I know there will be many many many more mistakes as I care for my children. I accept that I don't know how to mother and I am selfish person. The important part is that I am learning from my mistakes and am not going to repeat them. My children have heard a lot of "I am sorry. Please forgive me."

Thanks for not judging me.

Apart of the "Me Too" Club

P.S. It will be interesting to hear if my children will remember these mistakes when they are parents.

Perfectionist

Perfectionists are lonely people, what they really need is your love and acceptance.

Mothering with Two Hearts

This is the day in history that you said goodbye. Twenty-six years ago you walked into heaven.

I don't remember your voice or your touch, but I do remember your gentleness, patience, and love.  It is the tragic story that changed my life forever.  I wonder what it would have been like to grow up with a mother. You are irreplaceable. You have always been missed.  I weep when my daughter asks me if you took me to dance class, knowing that you didn't have a chance.  As I sit next to my children, I have fear that my life will end as soon as yours.  I take advantage of the precious moments with my children because I know you didn't get them with me.   So as time has gone by and the motherless little girl has grown up to be a mother herself, one can see how this story goes on.  For this little girl has become a mother with such deep love and devotion.  A mother mothering with two hearts.  Looking to the one you looked to also, Jesus. Seeking him for love, patience, and gentleness. 

The best day will have the moment I hug you again in heaven.

Suffering

Welcome suffering, it is how we grow.

Play

The delight of watching play.

The days will go by.

You Were There

You Were There

You were there when I was lost.
You were there when I was sad.

You were there when I won.
You were there when I cried.

You were there when I discovered.
You were there when I failed.

You were the only one I could tell my secret to.
You were there next to me.

No one else can replace who you are to me.
I know you sacrificed fame, power, and riches for me.

I saw it all.
I felt it all.

I knew your love for me was more valuable than anything under the sun.
For you are my irreplaceable mother.

No one else can take your place
When I laugh, when I cry, and when I say goodbye.

You are always there my irreplaceable mother.
Irreplaceable.

He taught me to fly.

Belief

"It is fun making you bad, but not fun when you are mad."  Sam laughingly says.

Raising Boys of Character

Better a boy of character than one who gets all A's but hurts his friends and is mean to his family.