Rock Pile

"A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral." Antoine De Saint-Exupery

How to live

"What this writer and so many other women don't realize is that God has equipped all of us to live more simply, to move toward order, and to live with intentionality." Sally Clarkson

Do you like me?

"I do not have the power to make everyone like me or approve of my values, looks, actions, or performance."  Sally Clarkson

Approval

"How I wish I had learned at an earlier age not to define myself by what other people thought of me." Sally Clarkson

Beauty

"We would never tell a zebra that its stripes should have been polka dots, or a buffalo that it should flit around as delicately as a butterfly. And yet the world tries to fit us into a common mold, which leaves 99.9 percent of us feeling that we fall short compared to the imaginary standard of beauty and womanhood." Sally Clarkson

French Women

"French women are beautiful because they think they are beautiful."

BUSY

"All the chaos consumed me and left me empty."

Winter Blues

I want to sing again.  To be free, lighthearted, and twirling about my day.  To give smiles generously and time without a care, all day long pouring out my love.  Humming and whistling as I skip along.

Can you tell it has been a long cold winter, with the thought of spring teasing me?  But I must live this day, this cold winter day, because God needs to prepare me for those joyous days of pink tulips and yellow daffodils. These are the days of reading, resting, and planning.  Each season is vital and can't be skimped.  Patience is the virtue that I will be gaining.  Soon enough I will be outdoors again with a twirl and smile for all.

Murder

Moses, David, and Paul were the three, largest in volume, authors of the Bible.  They were all murders, over saw others murdered, or commanded a killing.  God loved each one of the men from the moment they were born to their last breathe.

At a pivotal point they all realized their crime, their wrong, knowing in their heart that their past was sinful. Turning to God, they were FORGIVEN  and released from their punishment of death.  Each man went on to impact others in a God honoring way.

YOUR story is not too horrible, wrong, bad, or shameful for God to forgive and turn it around, bringing life to you and your future.

Traffic

"I like to watch the traffic because it brings me back to my childhood. I think about where they are coming from and going." Grandma A.

Worry

He who forms the mountains,
    who creates the wind,
    and who reveals his thoughts to mankind,
who turns dawn to darkness,
    and treads on the heights of the earth—
    the Lord God Almighty is his name.
Amos 4:13(NIV)

Lord will you tread the heights of the earth, so that I may stop treading and pacing and worrying trying to figure out these Redwood tall circumstances?

Two Forks

 One walks through life on a trail. As they go along there are forks on the path that cause them to make a choice on which way to go. Many times it is a choice on whether to learn or refuse to listen.  If they choose to learn, what happens?

The traveler's eyes are opened. As they take their new found knowledge and glance back a mistake is noticed. Discomfort fills them up and makes them itch. They wish they would have not made that mistake and they know what the right action would have been.  

Another fork in the path as appeared. Will they forget what they have learned so that they don't have to change? One path direction looks easy and goes down hill. It seems more comfortable and they know it well. The other path direction goes uphill and will require them to use their new found wisdom. It will take strength and determination to reject the old ways that resulted in mistakes.  However wisdom is like the wind at your back when running. The push of the wind will get them to places that they haven't been before. It will provide strength to climb.  Walking that uphill path with the strength of wisdom will bring them to a mountain top, a new view of the surrounding world.  

To think it is just two forks in the path to a new perspective, right choices, and freedom from sin.

Raising Boy Readers

Sullivan understands boys and education. This book gives the reader a summary on the past two decades of reading education and how boys have been impacted.  Half of the book describes how a boy reads and what he is interest in, the other half is 300 recommendations for boy friendly books.  I loved that the copyright is 2014 and technology is addressed. Modern questions get answered by Sullivan. 

Being a mom of three boys and one girl, I have witnessed the difference in desired genres.  Non-fiction, pictures, fantasy, crazy fonts, and action books have been read over and over in my home.  My bookshelves are full of books on animals, bones, wars, mice riding motorcycles, comedy, and creatures flying. My childhood favorites, Beverly Cleary and Laura Ingalls Wilder, have really only been treasured by my daughter.  The boys bored of them by the second page.  My daughter reads for the characters and my sons read for the action, but they all love for me to read to them. 

Volume, that is what Sullivan suggests for all readers, not degree of difficulty.  However only books that interest the reader. I concur. My children are readers because they have been exposed to books of interest and value the opportunity to read. 

HOW? In real life what does that look like? Taking turns reading pages of Ralph's Motercycle, 30 non-fiction or easy reads by each of the beds, reading lights on all bed posts, books in each relaxing room in the house, lots of audiobooks, requesting books of interest from the library, wandering the library shelves, each of us asking friends what they are reading, and modeling reading as parents are the ways in which we have become a reading family. 

One more thing.... Honor when your child wants to read or not. Yes, if that means only one page is read that day. Great, one glimpse is enough to the keep the flame going. 

This book is going beyond a library loan to an Amazon buy.

365 days of learning

In 2014 I learned to enjoy the simple life, eat the simple foods, and simply trust in God. 

Mornings

God gives us strength one day at a time.

I am still changed.

Each morning when the sun rises whether I see it's rays or not

Before I allow my feet to touch the cold morning floor I say to myself," This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." My great uncle spoke these words before he rose to farm his South Dakota land. I pray them before I rise to cultivate love in my family's hearts. 

The Miracle of Prayer

Everyday I say to myself

Pride comes before the fall

I am a thesaurus for 4 learners!

Mistakes while Mothering

Every mom makes mistakes

I will open up my secret box that holds my secret mom mistakes. Don't judge me. I need mistakes to learn. 

I didn't eat enough vegetables while I was pregnant.

I left the side of the crib down and Sam fell head first to the floor.

I forgot my infant son in a vehicle when I went into the store. (Thankfully only 3 mins.)

I locked my children and keys in a van. (Thanks East Moline Police for breaking in and recusing my children.)

I forgot to take my 4 children to get their doctor check ups for two years.  (I swear it was only one year.)

I forgot to instruct my children to take a bath for over a week. (Only noticed because I couldn't brush their hair anymore)

I lost a library book or two...

I forgot my child's lunch that I said I would bring.

I ate the cookie that I said was gone. (Repeat offender)

I used the line, "I get two brownies because I am twice the size of you."

I used the word stupid.

I swore at my child in a fit of anger.

I laughed at my child, not with.

I yelled at my A student for 1 bad test grade.

I forgot about the first baseball practice of the season. 

I tried to make up for my guilt by buying gifts for my children.

I know there will be many many many more mistakes as I care for my children. I accept that I don't know how to mother and I am selfish person. The important part is that I am learning from my mistakes and am not going to repeat them. My children have heard a lot of "I am sorry. Please forgive me."

Thanks for not judging me.

Apart of the "Me Too" Club

P.S. It will be interesting to hear if my children will remember these mistakes when they are parents.

Perfectionist

Perfectionists are lonely people, what they really need is your love and acceptance.

Mothering with Two Hearts

This is the day in history that you said goodbye. Twenty-six years ago you walked into heaven.

I don't remember your voice or your touch, but I do remember your gentleness, patience, and love.  It is the tragic story that changed my life forever.  I wonder what it would have been like to grow up with a mother. You are irreplaceable. You have always been missed.  I weep when my daughter asks me if you took me to dance class, knowing that you didn't have a chance.  As I sit next to my children, I have fear that my life will end as soon as yours.  I take advantage of the precious moments with my children because I know you didn't get them with me.   So as time has gone by and the motherless little girl has grown up to be a mother herself, one can see how this story goes on.  For this little girl has become a mother with such deep love and devotion.  A mother mothering with two hearts.  Looking to the one you looked to also, Jesus. Seeking him for love, patience, and gentleness. 

The best day will have the moment I hug you again in heaven.

Suffering

Welcome suffering, it is how we grow.

Play

The delight of watching play.

The days will go by.

You Were There

You Were There

You were there when I was lost.
You were there when I was sad.

You were there when I won.
You were there when I cried.

You were there when I discovered.
You were there when I failed.

You were the only one I could tell my secret to.
You were there next to me.

No one else can replace who you are to me.
I know you sacrificed fame, power, and riches for me.

I saw it all.
I felt it all.

I knew your love for me was more valuable than anything under the sun.
For you are my irreplaceable mother.

No one else can take your place
When I laugh, when I cry, and when I say goodbye.

You are always there my irreplaceable mother.
Irreplaceable.

He taught me to fly.

Belief

"It is fun making you bad, but not fun when you are mad."  Sam laughingly says.

Raising Boys of Character

Better a boy of character than one who gets all A's but hurts his friends and is mean to his family.

Difference Maker

I am a Difference Maker.

I won't stay in society's box.

I KNOW my purpose.

I will not be swayed. 

Top read for parents of middle schoolers

Filled with quotes from middle schoolers and great advice. With a copyright of 2014 by a current education and child development author, the book makes sence of the crazy life of a family with a middle school child. This book will be kept on my shelf to reread every quarter of the year to remind me of the prespective of my middle schooler. I would read some of the quotes to my son and he would agree, "I totally feel that way." Excellent way to start conversations with a son who does flips to keep me out of his life!

My Sabitical- written for those that feel

A deep longing emerged for me to escape to a place I could rest and delight in my surroundings. I prayed and left it to God to work the impossible if he wished. Thinking I would never see the desire become reality I went on in my routines.  However circumstances changed in shape and decisions were made. I was then ushered into 8 weeks of living in a different world. One in which I had two of my favorite parts of life, selah(Hebrew word for pausing and comtempating the goodness of God) and my family. I knew going into it I wanted to make some changes in my habits. I knew I wanted to be different. My desires were altering with my prespective following. Something was happening inside of me.  

However as I lived my sabitical I found it more complex and deeper than expected.  It began with reading, thinking, exploring, and sleeping. I felt uncomfortable at first not knowing what to make of it. Why was I really here?  What is this stirring in me? I was free to be different in this new environment. I could go without. I could add in.  I could rest a whole day or fill it with bliss.  I became patient.  

Then I started hearing. I heard the wisdom God wanted me to gain.  They came in bursts, exploding through my reality, tipping my world upside down. I sat there seeing truth, filled with awe. Indescribable.  I saw a new perspective, a new picture. I saw a true me. I saw what God wanted me to see.  The beauty that he created in me.  His shaping of me. With that view, it wasn't all that hard to make the changes. It was like they were made for me. They felt right. I was more me. These were all answers to many late night pleads to God during the past year. 

God in his infinite wisdom and love knew how long I needed to be on sabitical. He knew how much change I could manage. Therefore the time came for me to walk back into my old world. It would be as a new Shelly. A different woman. Honestly, I feared it at first. How will I ever be my new me in my old world? How will I be strong enough to resist the temptation of my old habits?  I turned my face to God and asked. He answered with an opening of my reality to his truth, "Shelly it is through your new prespective that you will make all those tiny and big decisions. I will be at your side." Honestly it has not been difficult but has been peaceful. With my new found resolve I walk through my old surroundings with a new light.

God changed me on my sabitical.

Note: I know you want to read what he showed me but it would be of no use to you, for you and I are uniquely different. For wisdom is not just words. It is words mixed with feelings and experience. Yet still you can find words on other posts that you may have feelings and experience that God will turn into wisdom for you. Most of all the Bible is where God will meet you. Seek him first.

"Dream maker or dream taker?"

It's about people.

Are you raising your child to be a carbon copy of you or to be a healthy balanced purposeful adult? Can they be uniquely themselves? Can they be as God has planned and ordained them? Must they be as you have planned or instead how God has planned?

This is what God has done for your child. In the voice of the child.

For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

Psalms 138:13-16

It is in being aware of my motivations and ways, that I have the freedom to change.  I can see the Y in the road! I have a choice now.  My desire to do good and obey God will be my strength to go on the right path.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  Matthew 7:7-8New International Version (NIV)

A simple balance.

When you know why you are doing something (motivation) then you can carefully select the opportunity that will fill the need. Being patient and letting that simple opportunity fulfill its cause.  As you apply the same cautiousness and patience to each need in your life you will create a simple meaningful balanced life.

24 hours

What it can do for you when making a small decision. 

You will get to see the choices from many different angles when you take 24 hours before giving an answer.

80 short stories that will give you parental wisdom.  Real life situations between a child and parent with positive intellectual advice.  It is like the voice of a wise grandma and grandpa helping you decipher how to parent.  Must read for all parents! Toddlers to adolescent. 

To My 4 Kids,
There are days that you made it a pleasure to be your mother.
Seriously--  hiking the coast, making traditional Native American necklaces, and sitting on the beach looking for agate stones, that is my 9-5 summer job! And you were thankful, obedient, and happy!
Thanks for the best summer job!
- mom

Mile Stone

POST NUMBER 101
I am thankful for a place to think out loud. I don't know how I ever had time to record that many thoughts.

 A blog that I have been recording my thoughts in for the past 2 years. It is simple. Not wordy or long posts. Just thoughts going through my mind. It started as a simple electronic way to record my thoughts for my children to have when they are adults. I decided to open it up and allow others to view, hoping they would be inspired to think more deeply during the daily routines of life. It is honest and real. Ideal and practical. Simple and complex. I don't post often just when the thoughts have added up and they are spilling out. So if the mind of a passionate woman who's calling is to give to all around her and has spent her whole life thinking intrigues you, then put the blog on your favorites and check it when you want to ponder with me.

We have grown up.

For so many years I was stuck in the twenties. I looked like I was 24 when 34. People surprising looked at me when they found out I had four children and that they are not babies anymore. The reality that I had a mortgage to pay and a child in middle school felt like too much responsibility for my self indentifing 24 year old.  

In his career, my husband for many years was younger than those around him. But the challenges of growing as a professional shaped him into a "grown up". Now he is seen as a leader. 

We are not young anymore. We are our age. I really am my age. We are grown ups.

Why have you rocked my boat?

Before summer started I wrote this below.  I have found out new truths about myself and my family.  Can I reenter that world and be a new found me, brushing aside all the old habits that caused me pain? Can I stay strong against the tide?  I know I will not be alone, for my God will walk beside me.

June 2014
Why do I so badly want to be someone else but me? I wish for a different body, skin, hair, temperament, lifestyle, status. All of what makes me uniquely me.

I know I am not alone in this desire as I hear the words "I wish" come from others mouths throughout the day. Everybody wishing away the days desiring to be someone else. 

If only I could accept the "wonderfully knitted together" me, my "all the days ordained" life, and "sing the song" he has put in my soul. 

Jealousy I have found you and seek to rid you from my mind. For my God created me just as he wanted. Would I reject a handcrafted gift from my father saying "it is not good enough"? Doesn't a father know what a child needs and doesn't he sacrifice everything for his daughter, dressing her in beauty. What in nature when you stop and look deeply is not incredibly gorgeous? Does the black and yellow swift bubble bee seek to be a ocean water polished pebble? No, each seek to be as created. Uniquely themselves. Can I be unique me? 

I shall spend my summer finding just who God knit me together to be. Shelly 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13-16 NIV)

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. (Psalm 40:3 NIV)

   The man that writes, scratches out, rewrites. Composing with his mind like the rolling Nebraska hills. Staying green all along the way, moving at a steady pace. He refigures the words, his expertise showing.  He sees and hears of nothing around him. For he is submerged in the rushing waters of my soul. Deep in the current giving words to thoughts only known by me.  Once read I will not be alone anymore. He has painted my picture and written my song.

   Oh how does he form that song of words? How does he tell of the intregizes of the human soul? He is a painter of emotions and thoughts. Bringing out the deep beauty of my soul. 

He is the author of the book I can not lay down.

Children within a family are vastly different from each other, similar to the combinations found in our neighborhoods, cities, countries, and continents.  They have to choose to forgive, be kind and love each other. It takes practice through opportunities, decisions during adversity, and the choose to love others over themselves. Living the childhood years within a family striving to cultivate peace creates adults that will listen to each other. Want your community to work together for the good of all? Start  by fostering love in the family. 

I cry out THANK YOU! With tears and a soft heart, understanding you have given me much! I know full well that you have given me more than my cause of pain, more than I deserve, and more than I imagined. 

Thank you God for everything you have given me! 

When hiking along a mountain trail you must believe with faith that is it taking you to your desired destination.  For you don't know for sure that you are on the right trail and going in the right direction. However you only have two options; turn around and don't attempt the adventure or keep taking steps and trust those that have walked this trail before you.

I have felt the sharp sting of tragedy and the awe of an impossible miracle. And since await the next dark valley or mountain top.  However none has come, no shouts of thunder or crackeling of lightening. Just a still small voice, a whisper, a gentle turn of the face, with many light touches directing my way. 

If it were not for the tragedy or miracle I don't think I would hear that whisper.  It has been the experiencing the worst and best that have made me listen intently for his quiet words.  They keep me on his path, the path he has outlined for me.  I walk along watching for the dark valleys or mountain tops knowing full well they are on the map. Looking out for thunder and lightening knowing he can call out with great strength and brightness. 

Since the tragedy and miracle the years have gone by and all I hear is whispering.  However I must say he needn't be loud for me. I listen for him all day long.