365 days of learning

In 2014 I learned to enjoy the simple life, eat the simple foods, and simply trust in God. 

Mornings

God gives us strength one day at a time.

I am still changed.

Each morning when the sun rises whether I see it's rays or not

Before I allow my feet to touch the cold morning floor I say to myself," This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." My great uncle spoke these words before he rose to farm his South Dakota land. I pray them before I rise to cultivate love in my family's hearts. 

The Miracle of Prayer

Everyday I say to myself

Pride comes before the fall

I am a thesaurus for 4 learners!

Mistakes while Mothering

Every mom makes mistakes

I will open up my secret box that holds my secret mom mistakes. Don't judge me. I need mistakes to learn. 

I didn't eat enough vegetables while I was pregnant.

I left the side of the crib down and Sam fell head first to the floor.

I forgot my infant son in a vehicle when I went into the store. (Thankfully only 3 mins.)

I locked my children and keys in a van. (Thanks East Moline Police for breaking in and recusing my children.)

I forgot to take my 4 children to get their doctor check ups for two years.  (I swear it was only one year.)

I forgot to instruct my children to take a bath for over a week. (Only noticed because I couldn't brush their hair anymore)

I lost a library book or two...

I forgot my child's lunch that I said I would bring.

I ate the cookie that I said was gone. (Repeat offender)

I used the line, "I get two brownies because I am twice the size of you."

I used the word stupid.

I swore at my child in a fit of anger.

I laughed at my child, not with.

I yelled at my A student for 1 bad test grade.

I forgot about the first baseball practice of the season. 

I tried to make up for my guilt by buying gifts for my children.

I know there will be many many many more mistakes as I care for my children. I accept that I don't know how to mother and I am selfish person. The important part is that I am learning from my mistakes and am not going to repeat them. My children have heard a lot of "I am sorry. Please forgive me."

Thanks for not judging me.

Apart of the "Me Too" Club

P.S. It will be interesting to hear if my children will remember these mistakes when they are parents.

Perfectionist

Perfectionists are lonely people, what they really need is your love and acceptance.

Mothering with Two Hearts

This is the day in history that you said goodbye. Twenty-six years ago you walked into heaven.

I don't remember your voice or your touch, but I do remember your gentleness, patience, and love.  It is the tragic story that changed my life forever.  I wonder what it would have been like to grow up with a mother. You are irreplaceable. You have always been missed.  I weep when my daughter asks me if you took me to dance class, knowing that you didn't have a chance.  As I sit next to my children, I have fear that my life will end as soon as yours.  I take advantage of the precious moments with my children because I know you didn't get them with me.   So as time has gone by and the motherless little girl has grown up to be a mother herself, one can see how this story goes on.  For this little girl has become a mother with such deep love and devotion.  A mother mothering with two hearts.  Looking to the one you looked to also, Jesus. Seeking him for love, patience, and gentleness. 

The best day will have the moment I hug you again in heaven.

Suffering

Welcome suffering, it is how we grow.

Play

The delight of watching play.

The days will go by.

You Were There

You Were There

You were there when I was lost.
You were there when I was sad.

You were there when I won.
You were there when I cried.

You were there when I discovered.
You were there when I failed.

You were the only one I could tell my secret to.
You were there next to me.

No one else can replace who you are to me.
I know you sacrificed fame, power, and riches for me.

I saw it all.
I felt it all.

I knew your love for me was more valuable than anything under the sun.
For you are my irreplaceable mother.

No one else can take your place
When I laugh, when I cry, and when I say goodbye.

You are always there my irreplaceable mother.
Irreplaceable.

He taught me to fly.

Belief

"It is fun making you bad, but not fun when you are mad."  Sam laughingly says.

Raising Boys of Character

Better a boy of character than one who gets all A's but hurts his friends and is mean to his family.

Difference Maker

I am a Difference Maker.

I won't stay in society's box.

I KNOW my purpose.

I will not be swayed. 

Top read for parents of middle schoolers

Filled with quotes from middle schoolers and great advice. With a copyright of 2014 by a current education and child development author, the book makes sence of the crazy life of a family with a middle school child. This book will be kept on my shelf to reread every quarter of the year to remind me of the prespective of my middle schooler. I would read some of the quotes to my son and he would agree, "I totally feel that way." Excellent way to start conversations with a son who does flips to keep me out of his life!

My Sabitical- written for those that feel

A deep longing emerged for me to escape to a place I could rest and delight in my surroundings. I prayed and left it to God to work the impossible if he wished. Thinking I would never see the desire become reality I went on in my routines.  However circumstances changed in shape and decisions were made. I was then ushered into 8 weeks of living in a different world. One in which I had two of my favorite parts of life, selah(Hebrew word for pausing and comtempating the goodness of God) and my family. I knew going into it I wanted to make some changes in my habits. I knew I wanted to be different. My desires were altering with my prespective following. Something was happening inside of me.  

However as I lived my sabitical I found it more complex and deeper than expected.  It began with reading, thinking, exploring, and sleeping. I felt uncomfortable at first not knowing what to make of it. Why was I really here?  What is this stirring in me? I was free to be different in this new environment. I could go without. I could add in.  I could rest a whole day or fill it with bliss.  I became patient.  

Then I started hearing. I heard the wisdom God wanted me to gain.  They came in bursts, exploding through my reality, tipping my world upside down. I sat there seeing truth, filled with awe. Indescribable.  I saw a new perspective, a new picture. I saw a true me. I saw what God wanted me to see.  The beauty that he created in me.  His shaping of me. With that view, it wasn't all that hard to make the changes. It was like they were made for me. They felt right. I was more me. These were all answers to many late night pleads to God during the past year. 

God in his infinite wisdom and love knew how long I needed to be on sabitical. He knew how much change I could manage. Therefore the time came for me to walk back into my old world. It would be as a new Shelly. A different woman. Honestly, I feared it at first. How will I ever be my new me in my old world? How will I be strong enough to resist the temptation of my old habits?  I turned my face to God and asked. He answered with an opening of my reality to his truth, "Shelly it is through your new prespective that you will make all those tiny and big decisions. I will be at your side." Honestly it has not been difficult but has been peaceful. With my new found resolve I walk through my old surroundings with a new light.

God changed me on my sabitical.

Note: I know you want to read what he showed me but it would be of no use to you, for you and I are uniquely different. For wisdom is not just words. It is words mixed with feelings and experience. Yet still you can find words on other posts that you may have feelings and experience that God will turn into wisdom for you. Most of all the Bible is where God will meet you. Seek him first.

"Dream maker or dream taker?"

It's about people.

Are you raising your child to be a carbon copy of you or to be a healthy balanced purposeful adult? Can they be uniquely themselves? Can they be as God has planned and ordained them? Must they be as you have planned or instead how God has planned?

This is what God has done for your child. In the voice of the child.

For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

Psalms 138:13-16

It is in being aware of my motivations and ways, that I have the freedom to change.  I can see the Y in the road! I have a choice now.  My desire to do good and obey God will be my strength to go on the right path.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  Matthew 7:7-8New International Version (NIV)

A simple balance.

When you know why you are doing something (motivation) then you can carefully select the opportunity that will fill the need. Being patient and letting that simple opportunity fulfill its cause.  As you apply the same cautiousness and patience to each need in your life you will create a simple meaningful balanced life.

24 hours

What it can do for you when making a small decision. 

You will get to see the choices from many different angles when you take 24 hours before giving an answer.

80 short stories that will give you parental wisdom.  Real life situations between a child and parent with positive intellectual advice.  It is like the voice of a wise grandma and grandpa helping you decipher how to parent.  Must read for all parents! Toddlers to adolescent. 

To My 4 Kids,
There are days that you made it a pleasure to be your mother.
Seriously--  hiking the coast, making traditional Native American necklaces, and sitting on the beach looking for agate stones, that is my 9-5 summer job! And you were thankful, obedient, and happy!
Thanks for the best summer job!
- mom

Mile Stone

POST NUMBER 101
I am thankful for a place to think out loud. I don't know how I ever had time to record that many thoughts.

 A blog that I have been recording my thoughts in for the past 2 years. It is simple. Not wordy or long posts. Just thoughts going through my mind. It started as a simple electronic way to record my thoughts for my children to have when they are adults. I decided to open it up and allow others to view, hoping they would be inspired to think more deeply during the daily routines of life. It is honest and real. Ideal and practical. Simple and complex. I don't post often just when the thoughts have added up and they are spilling out. So if the mind of a passionate woman who's calling is to give to all around her and has spent her whole life thinking intrigues you, then put the blog on your favorites and check it when you want to ponder with me.

We have grown up.

For so many years I was stuck in the twenties. I looked like I was 24 when 34. People surprising looked at me when they found out I had four children and that they are not babies anymore. The reality that I had a mortgage to pay and a child in middle school felt like too much responsibility for my self indentifing 24 year old.  

In his career, my husband for many years was younger than those around him. But the challenges of growing as a professional shaped him into a "grown up". Now he is seen as a leader. 

We are not young anymore. We are our age. I really am my age. We are grown ups.

Why have you rocked my boat?

Before summer started I wrote this below.  I have found out new truths about myself and my family.  Can I reenter that world and be a new found me, brushing aside all the old habits that caused me pain? Can I stay strong against the tide?  I know I will not be alone, for my God will walk beside me.

June 2014
Why do I so badly want to be someone else but me? I wish for a different body, skin, hair, temperament, lifestyle, status. All of what makes me uniquely me.

I know I am not alone in this desire as I hear the words "I wish" come from others mouths throughout the day. Everybody wishing away the days desiring to be someone else. 

If only I could accept the "wonderfully knitted together" me, my "all the days ordained" life, and "sing the song" he has put in my soul. 

Jealousy I have found you and seek to rid you from my mind. For my God created me just as he wanted. Would I reject a handcrafted gift from my father saying "it is not good enough"? Doesn't a father know what a child needs and doesn't he sacrifice everything for his daughter, dressing her in beauty. What in nature when you stop and look deeply is not incredibly gorgeous? Does the black and yellow swift bubble bee seek to be a ocean water polished pebble? No, each seek to be as created. Uniquely themselves. Can I be unique me? 

I shall spend my summer finding just who God knit me together to be. Shelly 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13-16 NIV)

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. (Psalm 40:3 NIV)

   The man that writes, scratches out, rewrites. Composing with his mind like the rolling Nebraska hills. Staying green all along the way, moving at a steady pace. He refigures the words, his expertise showing.  He sees and hears of nothing around him. For he is submerged in the rushing waters of my soul. Deep in the current giving words to thoughts only known by me.  Once read I will not be alone anymore. He has painted my picture and written my song.

   Oh how does he form that song of words? How does he tell of the intregizes of the human soul? He is a painter of emotions and thoughts. Bringing out the deep beauty of my soul. 

He is the author of the book I can not lay down.

Children within a family are vastly different from each other, similar to the combinations found in our neighborhoods, cities, countries, and continents.  They have to choose to forgive, be kind and love each other. It takes practice through opportunities, decisions during adversity, and the choose to love others over themselves. Living the childhood years within a family striving to cultivate peace creates adults that will listen to each other. Want your community to work together for the good of all? Start  by fostering love in the family. 

I cry out THANK YOU! With tears and a soft heart, understanding you have given me much! I know full well that you have given me more than my cause of pain, more than I deserve, and more than I imagined. 

Thank you God for everything you have given me! 

When hiking along a mountain trail you must believe with faith that is it taking you to your desired destination.  For you don't know for sure that you are on the right trail and going in the right direction. However you only have two options; turn around and don't attempt the adventure or keep taking steps and trust those that have walked this trail before you.

I have felt the sharp sting of tragedy and the awe of an impossible miracle. And since await the next dark valley or mountain top.  However none has come, no shouts of thunder or crackeling of lightening. Just a still small voice, a whisper, a gentle turn of the face, with many light touches directing my way. 

If it were not for the tragedy or miracle I don't think I would hear that whisper.  It has been the experiencing the worst and best that have made me listen intently for his quiet words.  They keep me on his path, the path he has outlined for me.  I walk along watching for the dark valleys or mountain tops knowing full well they are on the map. Looking out for thunder and lightening knowing he can call out with great strength and brightness. 

Since the tragedy and miracle the years have gone by and all I hear is whispering.  However I must say he needn't be loud for me. I listen for him all day long.

Philippians 4:4-8 The Bible verses God has made real to me this summer. I will never forget the moments those verses came alive.

Overcrowded

Overcrowded

If you regularly wish you had time.

If your hobbies are all sitting gathering dust.

If you don't have enough time for a full nights sleep.

If the books are going unread.

If your soccer star doesn't juggle the ball in the yard.

If meals don't happen at the dinner table.

If you don't have time for free tickets.

If your to do list is never empty.

If you don't have time to fold laundry.

Your life is overcrowded.

What is overcrowded?

You have so many options to pick from and you are afraid that you will miss out on some success or happiness that instead you grab them all.  However you can be happy and successful with only a portion of the opportunities. Infact you will be more happy with a simple and purposeful life, finding your acceptance in God and not in accomplishments or others opinion of you.

It is like when you are at the candy store and you grab everything you can fit into your hands. The price of the candy adds up and you have to pay for it with all the money you have in your pocket.  Then you can't give to the friend or your family because you spent it all on what you thought would make you happy, handfuls of candy.  After you chewed up every last bit, it was quickly the next day and you went back to the candy shop and gorged on the candy again. Day after day you consumed all you could in the name of "making the most of life."  However it was never has fullfilling has you wished and often was a chore to keep up with.

Then one day you decided to pick only your favorite 3 candies and only the amount you could enjoy slowly within one day.  It was a struggle at first to take the risk of not tasting your 4th and 5th favorite.  Or the fear that you would miss out on the eating freenzy with your friends.  Oh, and you would not be as accomplished since you only ate a handful instead of your usual gorging amount of two handfuls.  However you took the risk and made your modest selection and paid only half the money you had in your pocket.  Then sat out on the curb and savored each candy separately and deliciously.  It was as if the sun had come out for the first time, you could see shapes in the clouds, and you were free.  Free to relax and enjoy each candy piece. Free to give the extra money in your pocket away to those around you that were in need.

So your activity choices are like the daily trip to the candy store.  Do you cram every bit of activity or wish into your day, wanting oodles of happiness to transpire or do you carefully select a less than reasonable amount so that you can savor the day and give to others?  Are you sercure enough in how God planned your day and who you are to have a simple and delicious life? Do you have time to give to others?

I learned this month that my attitude and actions of "making the most of life" were really me wanting to impress myself and others, grab all the possiblities of happiness, and selfishly cram my day with me centered or me gratifying activities.  A change in me has occurred.

Thoughts after reading the book The Will of God as a Way of Life, How to Make Every Decision with Peace and Confidence by Jerry Sittser

"The bible says so little about God's will for tomorrow and so much about what we should do to fulfill his will today."

"We keep hoping that light will shine to illumine the entire journey ahead so that we will know about the future, and thus be spared the difficulty of having to trust God. Ironically, we want to know so much about the future that we won't even have to trust God anymore."

"Success can make us complacent and proud; failure can inspire us to work harder to accomplish our goals."

"The way our past decisions shape our present circumstances resembles a game of chess." Each move is final and each move from the players changes the options.

"Making the most of time" in the biblical sence means fulfilling the moments not squeezing accomplishments into minutes.

"Chronos has to do with clocks, calendars, schedules, agendas, and pressure... Kairos, by contrast, has to do with important events, the signifcance of daily experience, and the wonder of the present moment... We exist in chronos; we long for kairos. Chronos requires speed so life is not wasted; kairos requires patience so that life can be enjoyed. Chronos drives us forward to get things done; kairos allows us to relish the opportunity to do them. We perform in chronos, but we truly live in kairos."

"My addiction to activity."

"Their life is their art." About the Amish

"Suffering makes us humble and hopeful, teaches us obedience, leads to discipline, and brings repentance."

It hit me when I had nothing to accomplish.

Living in the now

Silence

Simplicity

Is this how my children think each day. They think only about the here and now. That may be why they are so upset when I disturb their simple exsistance. 

Can I rest? Can I relax? 

Can I become engrossed in what is in my hands, in front of my eyes, and at my feet? 

Experiencing my world at a deeper level.

Learning to be a hard worker keeps you from a life of stealing. 

(Stealing in its broadest term)

Want more time?

Posess less stuff.

Want to be less busy?

Value the experience over the accomplishment.

Want to make good choices?

Dwell on what is true, right, noble, kind. 

Want peace?

Talk to God.

He wants to hold my hand. 

We all want FREEDOM.

To be, to do, to raise up

We all want SECURITY. 

Tenderly wrapped up

We all want LOVE.

Causing joy to bubble up

In giving these to others, we will find God giving them to us. 

Losing your identity when becoming a full time mother is truly the great opportunity to witness and discovery the incredibleness of God. You will find your place and who you are in filling up the roles God has ordained for you. God's praises are gold and diamonds for the soul! 

"For polish is the result of difficulties"

A wise woman asked, "How did you get through a tough year in marriage?"

Six years past the tough year I responded,"Not giving up, not quitting." 

Sometimes the circumstances in life can cause a marriage to be broken, hurt, or lost. While the circumstances sometimes can't change and the husband and wife can try all the usual advice. For making changes in how they respect and love each other is wise. However the solution and hard work is simply in not giving up and instead hanging on. For there will be a new year or season just as there is a new day each morning. In which not giving up will let the opportunity for rebuilding love come.

Sharing in sorrow makes me more 

cautious. 

I wish could see cloud figures.  I lost my imagination! 

"What hurts more your leg or your pride?" You are not broken. 

Your excuses disappear when you realize you are sinning against not just a fellow human but your God. 

I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. (Psalm 119:11 NIV)

Friendship is complicated. I must take what is given and give all that I can. With no expectations and much patience. Friendship is from God. He provides when needed.

Prayer is depending on God.

There are those that compete for the experience and those that compete for the award. It is those that embrace the experience that win the award. 

I believe in you!

As a child puts on a cape and becomes brave.

Alligator

Life simple enough that I see my child's spotting of an alligator in the clouds.

Passion can not be contrived and even though you have it presently does not mean you will have it in the future. And that is OK. 

Quotes of the day- not of famous people, but from your children. That is when I know I am enjoying the day with my children. 

Perfection will never be achieved because we are not God. However joy can be held because God gives it freely. Accept your gift of joy today and let your worry turn to a smile. Rest in that place of Knowing that God is the perfect one.

Deep Love

When I was a child I did know of the depth of love that was possible.  My children cannot understand how deeply I love them. Therefore I must often show my love for them. They will understand when they are adults the depths of love.